I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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