so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
