Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
her vagine was all disorganized.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize