my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
