boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
