i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone signed my nipple.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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