I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize