oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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