That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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