your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
