My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
