Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
