I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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