Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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