people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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