she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
