just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
