I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
