if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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