apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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