I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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