sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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