Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
