if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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