dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
