Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
