the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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