How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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