but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
