yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
