My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
