It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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