He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
