i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize