I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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