Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
