What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
