So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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