I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
