if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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