dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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