My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
