I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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