you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
