I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
