Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
