I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
