Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
