When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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