i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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