Already got asked if we're dating
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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