I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
