I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
