I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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