If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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