I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
