at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
