why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Farmville is her only friend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
