i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
