he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize