Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
