Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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