Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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