I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
