That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
