He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
