You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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