I hope mine doesn't look like that
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
