So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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