Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
