So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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