Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
