I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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